but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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