I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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