So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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