Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
