Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
do herpes really smell.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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