I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
