Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
