Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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