I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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