Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
