Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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