Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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