I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
