Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
