Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
