I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
