i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
