Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
