when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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