Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
