Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
