I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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