Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
smell my finger.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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