It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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