if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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