even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
