i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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