I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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