I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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