His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
