I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
