normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
