I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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