i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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