So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
