i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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