hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
