I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
