I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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