He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
