69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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