I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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