went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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