Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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