I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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