remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
