Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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