What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
