Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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