Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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