So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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