quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
