Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
