he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
