if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
