My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
