so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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