Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
