Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
