That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
