Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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