i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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