Jerry, you need to find god
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
