was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
