Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
