Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
