That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
