Betty ford says i'm here all night
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
