Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
