they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
wanna go halves on a baby?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
