YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
