i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
