Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
