the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
