Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
